Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
