How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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