Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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