Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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