anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
