I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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