we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
