I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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