Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
