I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize