Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you never un-have a 4some
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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