But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I pour the whiskey from now on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
