I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
