69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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