He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
