capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
