Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
