Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
