Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
