Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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