Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
