Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
