note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
