Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
