So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
