It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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