I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
