my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
