she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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