It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
