If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
