This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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