I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
