If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
