i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
