People in love make me want to vomit
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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