why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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