im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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