And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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