I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hippo gnu deer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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