i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
