I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
