She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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