woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
