If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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