guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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