I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
