don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Green mimosas i think yes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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