What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bring me that man meat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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