Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
