You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
