why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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