What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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