Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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