after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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