I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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