I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
