it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
