you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sarcasm needs its own font
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
