im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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