she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
