What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
