Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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