omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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