I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
