my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
