i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
