Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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