if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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