I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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