You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
