I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
