remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
