This is not my ceiling
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
