She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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