There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
